My midweek wake-up call playlist is now available on Soundcloud - I hope you enjoy the selection this week. Someone asked me how the whole Soundcloud thing came about. I had previously joined Soundcloud to follow some artists who I like very much [Millie Manders, Hans, Roses Are Blue] and I noticed one day that someone had posted a radio show - I didn't even know that you could do that; and then found all kinds of stuff on the system ... but no book trailers or audiobook excerpts - and then it just made sense to add our audiobook excerpts and book trailer sound tracks to the system as a way of sharing them.

In so doing, I learned how to create a playlist [yes; I know, if only I was 30 years younger these things probably wouldn't take half the time] and as soon as I had created it, I realized that I could easily share the music that I liked/discovered. I really appreciate a chillout session at the weekend - so it made sense to create a #chillout playlist, but I also very much enjoy finding and discovering new music, in all genres, so the #Wednesday #Wakeup playlist came along.

They seem to be becoming more and more popular - and more people are listening to the audiobook samples [the original point of the exercise] - and I really enjoy putting the lists together and publishing them twice a week.

Wednesday Wake Up Call - 22nd June 2016 - Playlist

Now for something completely different ...

I am a vegan, and use Youtube all the time to find recipes - it's an amazing resource. I have habitually shared those videos via Twitter through the Carter Seagrove Project timeline - but I felt it was becoming clogged with recipes, and there are related things [like animal welfare, nutrition, and fair-trading] that I wanted to share that really have nothing to do with The Carter Seagrove Project [90% of our tweets have nothing to do with our own books!] So I decided to open a new Twitter account devoted to vegan recipes, and other related subjects, like nutrition. The new account is called @Vegetalienne. I would be thrilled if you popped over to have a look at the new timeline.

Thank you!

ALP
XXX

The #wakeupwednesday playlist has been posted to Soundcloud - click krazy kat to get your dose.

Enjoy!

Alp

My weekend chillout playlist for 3rd thru 5th June is now out on Soundcloud

​CLICK HERE

Enjoy the music and enjoy the weekend.

Best Wishes
Alp
x

If you are anything like me then you need music in your life - to help, I have started to compile a twice weekly playlist on Soundcloud - a Wednesday playlist, which is a real mishmash, and a weekend playlist that is mostly chill-out stuff.

Being Wednesday, here is the latest midweek playlist - enjoy!

​I'm often asked what it is really like to be an indie author. This blog post tries to explain some of the advantages and disadvantages of being independent - that said, I am part of an indie publishing co-op, which means that my experience is a little different. However, I did start out as an indie self-publishing author [in 2012]; the co-op formed in February 2015.

I have written and/or co-written and/or translated and/or edited, and published 100 titles. My experience is not limited to Amazon; the co-op publishes on all major ebook platforms. And there is a conflict in my mind between saying that I am indie and being exclusive to one retail platform - for that reason, my work is available from all major on-line retails outlets, and that will always be the case.

Everything I do up to the point of pushing the 'publish' button is directly under my control - and I would not want it any other way. My stories span romance, crime, thriller, mystery, paranormal and sci-fi - all are LGBT themed - these tend not to be of interest to traditional publishing houses, which is the first advantage of being indie - I can write and publish exactly what I want without restrictions, prompts, or deadlines. That is just about as free as it gets, I would say. I have control over my cover, my pricing [within certain parameters], where my book is published, and if and when it is offered for free. I can take it off the shelf/shelves, re-edit it, re-cover it, re-price it and basically please myself = INDIE!

That freedom comes at a price, but I don't think, in the main, that the price is necessarily a very high one compared to the rewards [which are all mine at the end of the day].

I am in control but I have all the risk and all the work - no one else is paying for my adverts, tweeting for me, doing my admin or maintaining my website/blog [or numerous other social media channels]. I do find it hard to divide my time between writing and the rest - I am an author, first and foremost, and that is what I love to do - I have grown to like [and in the case of Twitter, love] the rest. Notwithstanding the fact that the rest is a choice - I could write and publish and forget the title while I pen the next [much like I did when I started out].

Writing makes me exceedingly happy; marketing will hopefully [but clearly without any guarantee] increase the chances of success - by which, I mean monetary success. However, when I push that 'publish' button, I have already succeeded - sales and royalties are, to one degree, just vanity. But in having a company, even a co-op like the one I am part of, has expenses which have to be met, so I cannot ignore the reality of having to make some money - but I never want the need to make enough money to have any detrimental effect on my craft - perhaps I am being too idealistic because a boy has to eat, buy his cigarettes and fund his addiction to buying books - which is why I work part time in a spiritual retreat, taking care of the housekeeping.

Indie is all about choice and energy. How successful I am - by any measure - is more closely aligned with how I work and how hard I work than was ever true before.

Being indie gives me lots of freedom but it also means that I have to do everything - but I can do it my way. When I feel that I am going against the [popular] grain, I am probably being truer to my indie roots than at any other time.

Being an indie author [in fact, any indie artist] can feel incredibly lonely at times - that's where social media plays a big part in helping to forge connections that fill that void. I  met many of my colleagues throughout the writing and publishing world through social media.

Indie means independent but it doesn't have to mean insulated or isolated.

I do not make a living from writing - that's a statement of fact [and I work 12+ hours a day doing it]. That could all change one day if a title breaks through - or I could still be plodding along in the same way when I'm 90, still wondering if the next title will provide that break through. I write with no expectations of any reward other than my own satisfaction that the book is finished and in a fit state to be published - I say to my colleagues that I would be just as happy if no one ever downloaded even one of my free books - which sounds weird - maybe even crass - but it's true. I'm lucky enough that people do download my free books and they do buy my other titles, but being indie is all about creativity and choice rather than commercialism. I correspond - mainly through Twitter - with a lot of indie artists, and they all say the same - I want control over what I do, and how I do it and I am prepared to sacrifice some of my potential rewards to keep it that way.

It also has distinct advantages when it comes to how I promote myself and my work, and the types of projects I become involved in. The co-op has invested in and collaborated on three indie short films; we are also working on another project to combine some of my poetry with some music and a montage of abstract images - would I be doing those things if I was not an indie artist?

Maybe I would, but it feels like to be indie brings you into contact with a whole creative world that doesn't feel as accessible in other way or with any other mindset. It also makes you more aware of things like crowdfunding [which I may use myself to get illustrations/animations done] and the indie support networks like supportindieauthors.com.

Use the resources available - join networks and engage. I am totally amazed at how much support people are willing to give for free. A lot of what makes an artist an indie artist is collaboration and reciprocation - I do both and get so much out of the joint projects, and so much energy is created through sharing.

I gain the advantages of control and flexibility. I can get involved in projects and activities that have very little to do with writing but everything to do with the indie mindset - and I love the fact that I never really know where any of those things are going to take me [and every situation, every person I meet, and every outcome is perfect fodder for another story!]

I could write more mainstream fiction in the hopes that I sold more and made a decent living - just can't write those types of stories; in that respect, I am a slave to the muse [a very pretty and sometimes vicious cat-like creature who drives me relentlessly to produce the best work I am capable of ... and then ignores me when I do or says 'what? I'm meant to be impressed? Try again - try harder!]

Indie means independent. I quite like this definition which comes from
the Urban Dictionary
[http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Indie%20Person&defid=4203788 ]
Its not about how you look; its about how you think 
its not about what you listen to or what you wear
its about why you do [what you do]

I walk my own path and I don't ever see it changing.

​Alp Mortal

I am a fiend when it comes to music [and pretty much everything else that stimulates my mind]. In fact, I cannot write without music playing in the background [I could never do my homework without it either].

I don't know why that I didn't think of sharing my playlists before now. I am choosing music and creating playlists usually twice a week - on a Friday for the weekend, and on a Wednesday, which is a mishmash of everything, whereas the playlist for the weekend tends to be more chilled out stuff.

I really hope that you like the selections. You can find this weekend's playlist - and the others - here on Soundcloud - CLICK

It is also rather conveniently the same place where you can listen to samples of our audiobooks [that was a fucking big hint in case you were wondering].

​In answer to a question - the picture was purchased and downloaded from Depositphotos - we get most of our images from there - and I'm using the picture to best represent my muse [he who shall be obeyed] - Krazy Kat. In all seriousness, I am using it where I am either posting or blogging on my own account rather than strictly in relation to The Carter Seagrove Project.

I am also extremely pleased with the response to the first Envelope Collection vignette - Toutes Bonnes - and I hope to publish another one this weekend - The Locksmith. These short, intense, largely erotic vignettes are a kind of safety valve, or maybe a sanctuary, for me when I need to be writing something while I am thinking through plot lines on larger WIP projects. I have another tale of the unexpected coming to the end of the writing phrase, so that will be out in maybe 2 weeks - Be Careful What You Wish For [working title].

Highly unlikely that the next part of the Centum Path sci-fi series will be ready exactly on my birthday in July but it will be out soon thereafter - it's the project that is dominating my mind right now. I just hope that I manage to maintain the head of steam that has been building - in all honesty, I can well imagine the story extending to a million words or more.

Part 2 of the Great Dane Saga - here's a link to part one - is on the review block and I am struggling to get motivated to do the review - I really will try my best to get that out soon because there are 6 parts to that story, and it's a great story, which I really want to share with you.

If you want to connect with me and ask me questions or just hang out, the best way is to do so through twitter - I am responsible for our tweets, and our handle is @carterseagrove. 

Have a great weekend and enjoy the music in the playlist. Please feel free to suggest singers and groups for future playlists - I am always willing to listen to new music.

​Alp

​Happy? It's a question I ask myself every day when I wake up. Invariably, the answer is yes. As a depression sufferer of more than 35 years, that might sound contradictory - life is not without its challenges.

I live at a spiritual retreat, and many of the guests who come to use the centre are looking for either happiness or the means to get a place where perhaps to be happy is more achievable/realistic. My journey started about 10 years ago - it will never end but my goal - to be, and to remain happy - is significantly closer to me than it ever was. How? The question I am asked first by most of the people who speak to me on the subject.

This recipe is a personal one - you can't buy the product off the shelf [I only wish you could]. All I urge you to do is to experiment with the ingredients and see for yourself what works. I am not telling you what to do - I honestly don't care enough about you to accept the responsibility for your choices/outcomes - that does not mean I am not compassionate - I will literally do anything for anybody because to do so makes me happy - but I am not interested in control.

My goal is - to be, and to remain happy. Everything I do is designed or chosen with that goal in mind. Could I be happier? Yes. What am I doing to be and remain, and even further, my happiness?

I'm in the fortunate position to be able to write and share my stories - as my principal occupation [I won't say job], I'm incredibly lucky that I have found what I love to do the most - I can't imagine doing anything else. That was a relatively long journey in itself - I didn't begin writing until 2009, at the tender age of 44, and I didn't start publishing until the end of 2012.

The triumvirate of a healthy diet, regular exercise and a decent amount of sleep. I'm largely vegan - that doesn't in itself make my diet healthy but being a vegan has caused me to be more mindful of what I eat - and I cook a lot more these days. I walk whenever I can - it helps to have a dog that need a lot of exercise. I sleep for on average 8 hours per night. These aspects of my daily routine are a great barometer of my general state of mind - when I detect that something is wavering/going off track, for example, when my appetite is poor, my sleep is broken or I feel lethargic, I know to look for something else to account for the change.

I make time daily for meditation.

Writing is a creative process but I also need other creative processes - I really enjoy multi-media art work.

When I can, I get in the garden and plant things. I need the sun and the wind and the rain [not snow] - we are elemental.

I have to have projects that need collaboration - hence The Carter Seagrove Project. Working with other artists is fundamental to my creative process; be it, working on text, cover designs, video or any other kind of medium. Why is collaboration so important? I think it has to do with sharing ideas, energy and learning through doing - plus, collaboration inevitably means compromise, sometimes tolerance and patience [my worst failing is being impatient], and most importantly, achieving a shared vision of an outcome - which requires a lot of communication and understanding, especially when neither of the parties is necessarily working in their preferred medium, or speaking in their native language. Collaboration is, by default, challenging - challenge creates energy.

I think a lot about energy - all is energy - what does it really mean?

When I am working towards my goal, having expressed my intent as honestly as I know how, and I have accepted the price I am paying for my choice, and I am clear about the rewards that I will gain, the energy to achieve things just flows - energy follows intention. I give of my resources and I receive energy back. I work in the spiritual retreat when there are groups in the house - often I am helping a participant with something - usually a housekeeping issue. The more I help people, the more I receive back in energy, which could come in the form of help during the clear up after dinner, conversation/ the sharing of ideas, stories, music - most often, helping the guests is rewarded through the knowledge that their visit to the house was special to them, they achieved their goal.

Rarely does money come into the equation - I work in exchange for the things I need - that is the best manifestation I can think of that describes the energy cycle.

Happiness is a function of honesty. Am I truly happy or am I deluding myself? If I am deluding myself ... why?

This is a daily self-challenge. Am I staying where I am/doing the things I am doing not because I am happy but because I am afraid to move/change? I regularly audit what is going in my life and whether it is truly making me happy, and whether I need to change something to keep on track. A change in my core indicators of appetite/exercise/sleep usually indicates that I am not being honest with myself about something - though I may be in the middle of processing it and just not finished yet. What is likely to be the cause?

1. Not saying something when something needs to be said - I am blunt and to the point but there will always be times when I keep my mouth shut when I should have addressed the issue immediately
2. I choose an easy option in an attempt to avoid paying the [full] price for my choice - murder will out, as they say
3. I lapse in my daily routine - I can afford to do that occasionally but not regularly [why do I lapse? I think the underlying depression simply erodes my resolve slowly but surely until it becomes manifest again].

Fear stopped me from achieving my goal - that was much truer in the past, not so true now. What was I afraid of?

• What people thought of me and what I was doing [the biggest fear and inhibitor to my happiness]
• Being different/drawing attention to myself
• Failing/making a mistake
• Succeeding

It has taken ten years to shed those fears. Now, I am blissfully unconcerned with these things - and many others. Yesterday I shaved my long hair off because it was bugging me so much - it's difficult here to find a decent barber and it was getting untidy [especially around the back of my neck], and I noticed that it was getting much thinner of late - I buzzed it all off. I feel totally liberated and regretful that I didn't do it years ago - but why hadn't I?

A recipe for happiness?

What's my goal - be specific - a simple goal, well said
Everything I do is for/towards my goal
What makes me happy? Sharing, conversation, writing, reading, movies, gardening ... so do those things!
Good food
Regular exercise
Plenty of sleep and rest
Meditation
Regular study - it doesn't matter what - last course I did was on screen-writing, the next could be on macramé
Collaboration on a project
A daily audit - am I happy, truly happy? How are my dials? Is something wavering?
Daily - Do the most important thing that needs to be done - hang the rest, don't stress it
Deal with things when they need to be dealt with/be blunt [and as polite as needed]
Recognise when you don't have all the data ... and go and get it
Remove negative influences - that includes people [it mostly includes people]
Forget calendars, schedules, plans - be in today [why worry about what could happen tomorrow when you have today to enjoy first?]
Be honest
Challenge fear - break it down and understand it, take a deep breath and scream out loud - FUCK OFF FEAR!
Dance
Change your playlist
Clean all your windows
Get rid of everything that you don't need; preferably by giving it to someone who needs it
Write your thoughts down
Volunteer at your local animal rescue shelter
Plant herbs in your garden [and use them!]

I am not expert, except when it comes to my own happiness. I am no therapist or doctor - sometimes you need advice - get it but do not become dependent on it, and avoid always looking for others to validate your choices/actions - because no one really cares, and often they are validating you, to validate themselves.

I'm happy - and I hope you are too - or you're getting there - can I help?

A friend of mine asked me what it's like to write full-time - fucking awesome - but I think they wanted details. A typical day in the Alp Mortal writing household.

• Woken up by dogs at 4am.
• Shout at dogs.
• Turn over and sleep until 8am (perfect sleep window is between midnight and 8am).
• Get up - let dogs out - switch coffee machine on - check water and coffee in machine - remember filter - find dog poop on mat by laundry door - shout at dogs.
• Glug juice whilst coffee brewing - make instant coffee whilst coffee brewing.
• Water plants - throw dead plants on compost.
• Get coffee - log on - deal with hate mail (Dear Hater, if you are male, I am sorry that your penis is so small. If you are female, I am sorry your husband's/boyfriend's penis is so small ... by the way, mine is huge.)
• Get Twitter day underway - I love Twitter.
• Bask in the glow of the first cigarette (Winston Red from the 25 stick pack).
• Check all vital statistics - my arse is still fat, watching Sense8 did not shed me those twelve pounds - ?
• Pick up what I wrote yesterday - read and either continue or switch to another WIP - always so many projects trying to get out.
• Get distracted by Twitter/Blogs/Youtube/Soundcloud.
• Bask in glow of fourth cigarette - make tea - pig out on dried fruit - remember something important from three days ago - return to office - forget what it was - look out of window - count my blessings - fire up Kindle - read - get distracted by Twitter/Youtube/Soundcloud - how the fuck can it be 1pm already?!
• Do laundry - write - bask in glow of tenth cigarette - was that the fourth or fifth coffee? Actually, it was the sixth.
• Five o'clock - feed dogs - finish dinner - meditate - look at task list - do least important and easiest task - congratulate myself. Remember laundry is still in machine.
• Eat.
• Write, cover design, audiobook recordings, work on screenplay, editing, watch film, listen to music ...
• Go outside and watch the moon and stars.
• Give dogs last wee walk - shout at dogs for no reason.
• Have last cigarette, tweak a paragraph or two before lights out.
• Wake up one hour later, dying for a wee, get up, disturbing dogs, shout at dogs.
• Can't sleep, wank, remember laundry is still in the machine.
• Dream of being taller and more muscular; have nightmare that I'm never going to write another word.
• Wake up at 3am and write first line of dialogue of new story, remember that I didn't shower since ... forget.
• Finally feel relaxed and content.
• Get woken up by dogs at 4am ...

My life is awesome; I am grateful beyond words for my gifts. I honour those gifts in the best ways that I know. I have so many amazing friends. I never feel entitled to my good fortune - I work and I get paid - and stay happy.

I am an indie author and artist, afflicted by a tireless muse, who has one purpose in 'his' life - to inspire me to write and produce the best work that I can - even if no one else agrees with me.

​My name is Alp Mortal - Alp is shorthand for Malpin (now you know my best kept secret - and the fact that I have a huge dick).

Love
Alp

This blog post is not so much #self-help but the ravings of a lunatic. If there is one subject that is likely to get me hot under the collar or depressed enough to switch on the TV, then it's reviews and ratings. Everyone has an opinion - here's mine. This blog post contains my own personal thoughts - it in no way endorses/is endorsed by, the views of Donald Trump or Hilary Clinton - I'm all for Bernie.

I'm a reader, an author of #LGBT fiction and a publisher of #LGBT fiction (a founding member of The Carter Seagrove Project indie author publishing co-op); and in each case, I have a different relationship with Reviews and Ratings, and that relationship is not always a happy one.
 
The Reader
 
I'm a reader [rapacious] and I do look at reviews and ratings when I select a book to read - but they are by no means the only factors that I take into account. And if I a) have time b) remember and c) can be arsed, I will leave a rating and/or a review on either Goodreads and/or Amazon. This is definitely my easiest relationship with reviews and ratings. I know a lot of people rely on those scores - readers looking for a good book to read, and authors who believe they need the scores to elevate their profile and get some sales. Publishers also need reviews and ratings, but who gives a fuck about them?
 
If I write a review, I try to be honest, insightful and balanced - I don’t paraphrase the story like I see a lot of people do [to prove they read it?]; my comments can be oblique - depends on the story, the author and how I feel - the review could be one word, for example, evocative, or run to a few lines, maybe even a paragraph or two.
 
What’s it all about?
 
That probably boils down to what you think a review and a rating actually are ... more on that but let's bust a myth (myth not a nut) or two first:-

• Most readers leave reviews and ratings (if only)
• All reviews and ratings are honest, insightful and balanced
• No review was ever bought and paid for - They is all genuine, Guv’nor, swear to you they be! (this only works if spoken in a true Cockney accent.)
• A one star rating will guarantee no more sales (there had to be at least one!)
• A five star rating will make the book a sure fire winner (I so fucking wish they did!)
• Only a review by a literary critic, published in a broadsheet newspaper or a glossy magazine is worth the ink

 
What is a rating?
 
My overall interpretation of a 'rating' is basically - How much did I enjoy that story? What you call enjoyment and what I call enjoyment (don't go there) are probably two very different things, so what do I look for in a story?

• excitement and entertainment
• eroticism, poetry and lyricism
• something emotive and/or evocative
• experimentation, metaphysicality, solipsism
• mystery/intrigue/suspense/drama/tension
• romance/love/an erection/a mess worth getting out of bed to find a tissue for

 
I want to be enthralled, thrilled, captivated and transported.
 
The author has their fucking work cut out to freaking please me!
 
Fundamentally, I assign a rating in accordance with how much I enjoyed the read - usually on a scale of:-
 
1- Why did I fucking bother clicking; I've read more interesting douche kit instructions
2- You lead me up the garden path and then slam the door in my face (we will never see each other again; it's you, not me)
3- Generally, I will need to change my underwear
4- If I knew where you lived, I'd be camping outside (I don't want your autograph, I just want to rifle through your trash)
5- Will you marry me?
 
And I'm sure we all have similar grades, and maybe we even attempt to apply them consistently. The point is, the rating system is subjective and open to wide interpretation. Most people assume that the rating system on Goodreads and on Amazon are the same - they are not the same. It doesn’t matter; what you call good, I will wipe arse on, and vice versa - so what’s the point? And are you someone who has felt uncomfortable leaving a poor rating and/or review when the herd appears to be gagging for the story? I have.
 
What is a review?
 
I generally write a review - some wonderfully composed words of insightfulness - when I feel the urge to express myself. I rarely leave a review for a 3 star rated story, almost always for 4 and 5 star rated stories - I have a backlog of reviews to write - sue me!
 
I generally find that reviews which start ‘I liked the story because’ work better for me than a thesis on how the story referenced some obscure Albanian folklore [which I won’t have read].
 
Do I read reviews on the books I plan to purchase? Yes - sometimes the reviews are better than the story. Seriously; I do read them but I think you have to add a huge pinch of salt. At the end of the day, there is no guarantee that a book will 'do it' for you regardless of the ratings and reviews. If the cover features a shirtless buff dude (preferably more than one shirtless buff dude) who gives a fuck about ratings anyway - I can always wank over the pictures.
 
 
The Author
 
I write because I don't have a choice if I wish to remain sane - I do not write for reviews, ratings, accolades or money, though those things come with the territory of publishing (except accolades and money).
 
I can honestly say that I write each and every story for myself - it's my story. If I tried to write a story to please anyone else, I would fail, I would go mad and I would stop writing (it’s quite difficult to type while trussed up in a straight-jacket ... though not impossible).
 
I wrote a story for The Goodreads M/M Romance Group anthology of 2015 - I had a wonderful prompt and wrote a 15k word story that I was hugely proud of (like I am of all my babies/demons/angels). The reviews and ratings could not have been more damning on the one hand, or glorious on the other - and that told me that reviews and ratings are, for me, toxic and liable to do me harm. I wrote that story, it was edited by my editor and checked by the Goodreads team, who were wonderful, and who then published it - at that point, my involvement with the story should probably have ended. I made the mistake of reading some of the poor reviews (of which there are many) - and I made the mistake of reading some of the good reviews (of which there are few but still some in number).

• If I believed the poor reviews, I should go back to being a male model (the dad bod is so in)
• If I believed the good reviews, I should expect to receive the Pulitzer Prize in the very near future (at the very least!)

 
The reviews told me nothing that I could actually assimilate - because the reviews are not for the author to read - STAY AWAY FROM REVIEWS!
 
I cannot write to a formula, prescription or trope to get my 3 star alms - just can't - won't!
I cannot repeat any apparent success because I do not know how that works - please pass on any tips you've got.
 
All I can do is stand (it's more of a slouch actually) by my story (if you think you can do better - and some people tell me they can - then fucking do it! And I’ll happily review it ...)
 
What do I do now? I ignore all bad reviews and ratings - I have a urinary tract infection and haemorrhoids (I spelled that right on the first attempt); do I need any more burning pain? I don't think so. I read all of the good reviews because even I need some external energy to keep doing this day after day - I appreciate the good reviews, of course I do - but I never let them guide me in what I write.
 
Authors should stay the fuck away from reviews like the plague.
 
If you are seeking some/any kind of stroke, acceptance, encouragement, praise, reward or confirmation as an author - please don’t look in the reviews and ratings - you may as well look in the dog’s mouth or the cat’s fanny. Write the story, get it edited, be happy with the story, publish the story and fucking forget about the story (you should be writing the next one anyway so plant your fat arse on the chair in front of the computer and type!)
 
The Publisher
 
A publishing house is a business - I’m part of one and it is a business, one that will - maybe - one day make some money and pay back our investment - don’t hold your fucking breath. Therefore, like all businesses selling a product, reviews and ratings are very important from a marketing point of view. One aspect of that which I think begins to distort the picture is the requirement of a lot of book promoters that the book needs to have so many five star ratings/reviews before they will consider promoting the book [for their extortionate fee].
 
We chase the dragon and wonder why we get burned to a crisp.
 
Thankfully, my publisher has a very different take on the world.
 
I am a self-publishing author - through The Carter Seagrove Project LLC, which is an indie author co-op based in Indiana, USA.
 
We couldn’t give a shit about reviews and ratings.
 
Transcript of various comments NOT overheard in our office:-
 
Write more stories like that, Alp; did you see the reviews? Wow man; that was dope!
 
Alp; sweetheart ... must do better; your fans deserve more than that.
 
Think of the Nobel Prize ...
 
We are not selling enough units and have no money for food or designer clothing.
 
Call yourself an artist!
 
Our marketing strategy is relying on your success but we could not justify the investment in the advertising for that title because the cover does not have a buff shirtless dude on it - who freaking puts an acorn on an m/m romance cover?!
 
You've got a bestseller; we want your babies; and we believe in you but only if you have 5 stars.
 
Where's your next manuscript you pathetic tosser?
 
Get out of my fucking office!! An advance of 5k? How about a dose of oral thrush?
 
Morgan is doing better than you; best you watch your back cos the knives are out.
 
One more five star review and we’ll pay for the surgery.
 
Why are you reading those douche kit instructions?
 
We’ve been hit by a review assassin! Everyone use their personal account and post a 5 star review!!
 
Alp; you split the vote so why is that you can’t you split a bagel?
 
Reviews don’t matter when you’ve made it ... you haven’t made it ... stop crying and go back to the hamster wheel and write another bestseller and then, and only then, will we up your royalties to 0.05% - fucking authors are a pain in the arse.
 
Fortunately, being an indie publishing co-op, we don’t have to worry about any of that ... except for winning the Nobel Prize because Shannon wants a Bugatti Chiron.
 
Top 10 Golden Rules for Authors

1. Ignore all reviews and ratings
2. Ignore all reviews and ratings
3. Ignore all reviews and ratings
4. Ignore all reviews and ratings
5. Ignore all reviews and ratings
6. Ignore all reviews and ratings
7. Ignore all reviews and ratings
8. Ignore all reviews and ratings
9. Ignore all reviews and ratings
10. Ignore all reviews and ratings
11. Ignore all reviews and ratings
12. Ignore all reviews and ratings
13. Ignore all reviews and ratings
    
14. Write your best story, publish it, then write another one, and repeat until you are dead.

Since I stopped paying attention to reviews and ratings, I have become a much happier and a more balanced individual - I’ve devoted the time saved to studying my craft and making friendship bracelets, which I will send to all the reviewers of my stories (I’m stockpiling in advance of the avalanche).

I would be really happy to get your thoughts; please comment below.

My next post is about Marketing - most self-publishing authors tell me that they hate [and are pants at] marketing; so that suggests a self-help topic of some merit.

Love to you all

​Alp