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A Day in the Life ...

4/30/2016

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A friend of mine asked me what it's like to write full-time - fucking awesome - but I think they wanted details. A typical day in the Alp Mortal writing household.
  • Woken up by dogs at 4am.
  • Shout at dogs.
  • Turn over and sleep until 8am (perfect sleep window is between midnight and 8am).
  • Get up - let dogs out - switch coffee machine on - check water and coffee in machine - remember filter - find dog poop on mat by laundry door - shout at dogs.
  • Glug juice whilst coffee brewing - make instant coffee whilst coffee brewing.
  • Water plants - throw dead plants on compost.
  • Get coffee - log on - deal with hate mail (Dear Hater, if you are male, I am sorry that your penis is so small. If you are female, I am sorry your husband's/boyfriend's penis is so small ... by the way, mine is huge.)
  • Get Twitter day underway - I love Twitter.
  • Bask in the glow of the first cigarette (Winston Red from the 25 stick pack).
  • Check all vital statistics - my arse is still fat, watching Sense8 did not shed me those twelve pounds - ?
  • Pick up what I wrote yesterday - read and either continue or switch to another WIP - always so many projects trying to get out.
  • Get distracted by Twitter/Blogs/Youtube/Soundcloud.
  • Bask in glow of fourth cigarette - make tea - pig out on dried fruit - remember something important from three days ago - return to office - forget what it was - look out of window - count my blessings - fire up Kindle - read - get distracted by Twitter/Youtube/Soundcloud - how the fuck can it be 1pm already?!
  • Do laundry - write - bask in glow of tenth cigarette - was that the fourth or fifth coffee? Actually, it was the sixth.
  • Five o'clock - feed dogs - finish dinner - meditate - look at task list - do least important and easiest task - congratulate myself. Remember laundry is still in machine.
  • Eat.
  • Write, cover design, audiobook recordings, work on screenplay, editing, watch film, listen to music ...
  • Go outside and watch the moon and stars.
  • Give dogs last wee walk - shout at dogs for no reason.
  • Have last cigarette, tweak a paragraph or two before lights out.
  • Wake up one hour later, dying for a wee, get up, disturbing dogs, shout at dogs.
  • Can't sleep, wank, remember laundry is still in the machine.
  • Dream of being taller and more muscular; have nightmare that I'm never going to write another word.
  • Wake up at 3am and write first line of dialogue of new story, remember that I didn't shower since ... forget.
  • Finally feel relaxed and content.
  • Get woken up by dogs at 4am ...

My life is awesome; I am grateful beyond words for my gifts. I honour those gifts in the best ways that I know. I have so many amazing friends. I never feel entitled to my good fortune - I work and I get paid - and stay happy.

I am an indie author and artist, afflicted by a tireless muse, who has one purpose in 'his' life - to inspire me to write and produce the best work that I can - even if no one else agrees with me.

​My name is Alp Mortal - Alp is shorthand for Malpin (now you know my best kept secret - and the fact that I have a huge dick).

Love
Alp


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