A Day in the Life ...

A friend of mine asked me what it's like to write full-time - fucking awesome - but I think they wanted details. A typical day in the Alp Mortal writing household.

• Woken up by dogs at 4am.
• Shout at dogs.
• Turn over and sleep until 8am (perfect sleep window is between midnight and 8am).
• Get up - let dogs out - switch coffee machine on - check water and coffee in machine - remember filter - find dog poop on mat by laundry door - shout at dogs.
• Glug juice whilst coffee brewing - make instant coffee whilst coffee brewing.
• Water plants - throw dead plants on compost.
• Get coffee - log on - deal with hate mail (Dear Hater, if you are male, I am sorry that your penis is so small. If you are female, I am sorry your husband's/boyfriend's penis is so small ... by the way, mine is huge.)
• Get Twitter day underway - I love Twitter.
• Bask in the glow of the first cigarette (Winston Red from the 25 stick pack).
• Check all vital statistics - my arse is still fat, watching Sense8 did not shed me those twelve pounds - ?
• Pick up what I wrote yesterday - read and either continue or switch to another WIP - always so many projects trying to get out.
• Get distracted by Twitter/Blogs/Youtube/Soundcloud.
• Bask in glow of fourth cigarette - make tea - pig out on dried fruit - remember something important from three days ago - return to office - forget what it was - look out of window - count my blessings - fire up Kindle - read - get distracted by Twitter/Youtube/Soundcloud - how the fuck can it be 1pm already?!
• Do laundry - write - bask in glow of tenth cigarette - was that the fourth or fifth coffee? Actually, it was the sixth.
• Five o'clock - feed dogs - finish dinner - meditate - look at task list - do least important and easiest task - congratulate myself. Remember laundry is still in machine.
• Eat.
• Write, cover design, audiobook recordings, work on screenplay, editing, watch film, listen to music ...
• Go outside and watch the moon and stars.
• Give dogs last wee walk - shout at dogs for no reason.
• Have last cigarette, tweak a paragraph or two before lights out.
• Wake up one hour later, dying for a wee, get up, disturbing dogs, shout at dogs.
• Can't sleep, wank, remember laundry is still in the machine.
• Dream of being taller and more muscular; have nightmare that I'm never going to write another word.
• Wake up at 3am and write first line of dialogue of new story, remember that I didn't shower since ... forget.
• Finally feel relaxed and content.
• Get woken up by dogs at 4am ...

My life is awesome; I am grateful beyond words for my gifts. I honour those gifts in the best ways that I know. I have so many amazing friends. I never feel entitled to my good fortune - I work and I get paid - and stay happy.

I am an indie author and artist, afflicted by a tireless muse, who has one purpose in 'his' life - to inspire me to write and produce the best work that I can - even if no one else agrees with me.

​My name is Alp Mortal - Alp is shorthand for Malpin (now you know my best kept secret - and the fact that I have a huge dick).

Love
Alp