This blog post is not so much #self-help but the ravings of a lunatic. If there is one subject that is likely to get me hot under the collar or depressed enough to switch on the TV, then it's reviews and ratings. Everyone has an opinion - here's mine. This blog post contains my own personal thoughts - it in no way endorses/is endorsed by, the views of Donald Trump or Hilary Clinton - I'm all for Bernie.
I'm a reader, an author of #LGBT fiction and a publisher of #LGBT fiction (a founding member of The Carter Seagrove Project indie author publishing co-op); and in each case, I have a different relationship with Reviews and Ratings, and that relationship is not always a happy one.
The Reader
I'm a reader [rapacious] and I do look at reviews and ratings when I select a book to read - but they are by no means the only factors that I take into account. And if I a) have time b) remember and c) can be arsed, I will leave a rating and/or a review on either Goodreads and/or Amazon. This is definitely my easiest relationship with reviews and ratings. I know a lot of people rely on those scores - readers looking for a good book to read, and authors who believe they need the scores to elevate their profile and get some sales. Publishers also need reviews and ratings, but who gives a fuck about them?
If I write a review, I try to be honest, insightful and balanced - I don’t paraphrase the story like I see a lot of people do [to prove they read it?]; my comments can be oblique - depends on the story, the author and how I feel - the review could be one word, for example, evocative, or run to a few lines, maybe even a paragraph or two.
What’s it all about?
That probably boils down to what you think a review and a rating actually are ... more on that but let's bust a myth (myth not a nut) or two first:-
What is a rating?
My overall interpretation of a 'rating' is basically - How much did I enjoy that story? What you call enjoyment and what I call enjoyment (don't go there) are probably two very different things, so what do I look for in a story?
I want to be enthralled, thrilled, captivated and transported.
The author has their fucking work cut out to freaking please me!
Fundamentally, I assign a rating in accordance with how much I enjoyed the read - usually on a scale of:-
1- Why did I fucking bother clicking; I've read more interesting douche kit instructions
2- You lead me up the garden path and then slam the door in my face (we will never see each other again; it's you, not me)
3- Generally, I will need to change my underwear
4- If I knew where you lived, I'd be camping outside (I don't want your autograph, I just want to rifle through your trash)
5- Will you marry me?
And I'm sure we all have similar grades, and maybe we even attempt to apply them consistently. The point is, the rating system is subjective and open to wide interpretation. Most people assume that the rating system on Goodreads and on Amazon are the same - they are not the same. It doesn’t matter; what you call good, I will wipe arse on, and vice versa - so what’s the point? And are you someone who has felt uncomfortable leaving a poor rating and/or review when the herd appears to be gagging for the story? I have.
What is a review?
I generally write a review - some wonderfully composed words of insightfulness - when I feel the urge to express myself. I rarely leave a review for a 3 star rated story, almost always for 4 and 5 star rated stories - I have a backlog of reviews to write - sue me!
I generally find that reviews which start ‘I liked the story because’ work better for me than a thesis on how the story referenced some obscure Albanian folklore [which I won’t have read].
Do I read reviews on the books I plan to purchase? Yes - sometimes the reviews are better than the story. Seriously; I do read them but I think you have to add a huge pinch of salt. At the end of the day, there is no guarantee that a book will 'do it' for you regardless of the ratings and reviews. If the cover features a shirtless buff dude (preferably more than one shirtless buff dude) who gives a fuck about ratings anyway - I can always wank over the pictures.
The Author
I write because I don't have a choice if I wish to remain sane - I do not write for reviews, ratings, accolades or money, though those things come with the territory of publishing (except accolades and money).
I can honestly say that I write each and every story for myself - it's my story. If I tried to write a story to please anyone else, I would fail, I would go mad and I would stop writing (it’s quite difficult to type while trussed up in a straight-jacket ... though not impossible).
I wrote a story for The Goodreads M/M Romance Group anthology of 2015 - I had a wonderful prompt and wrote a 15k word story that I was hugely proud of (like I am of all my babies/demons/angels). The reviews and ratings could not have been more damning on the one hand, or glorious on the other - and that told me that reviews and ratings are, for me, toxic and liable to do me harm. I wrote that story, it was edited by my editor and checked by the Goodreads team, who were wonderful, and who then published it - at that point, my involvement with the story should probably have ended. I made the mistake of reading some of the poor reviews (of which there are many) - and I made the mistake of reading some of the good reviews (of which there are few but still some in number).
The reviews told me nothing that I could actually assimilate - because the reviews are not for the author to read - STAY AWAY FROM REVIEWS!
I cannot write to a formula, prescription or trope to get my 3 star alms - just can't - won't!
I cannot repeat any apparent success because I do not know how that works - please pass on any tips you've got.
All I can do is stand (it's more of a slouch actually) by my story (if you think you can do better - and some people tell me they can - then fucking do it! And I’ll happily review it ...)
What do I do now? I ignore all bad reviews and ratings - I have a urinary tract infection and haemorrhoids (I spelled that right on the first attempt); do I need any more burning pain? I don't think so. I read all of the good reviews because even I need some external energy to keep doing this day after day - I appreciate the good reviews, of course I do - but I never let them guide me in what I write.
Authors should stay the fuck away from reviews like the plague.
If you are seeking some/any kind of stroke, acceptance, encouragement, praise, reward or confirmation as an author - please don’t look in the reviews and ratings - you may as well look in the dog’s mouth or the cat’s fanny. Write the story, get it edited, be happy with the story, publish the story and fucking forget about the story (you should be writing the next one anyway so plant your fat arse on the chair in front of the computer and type!)
The Publisher
A publishing house is a business - I’m part of one and it is a business, one that will - maybe - one day make some money and pay back our investment - don’t hold your fucking breath. Therefore, like all businesses selling a product, reviews and ratings are very important from a marketing point of view. One aspect of that which I think begins to distort the picture is the requirement of a lot of book promoters that the book needs to have so many five star ratings/reviews before they will consider promoting the book [for their extortionate fee].
We chase the dragon and wonder why we get burned to a crisp.
Thankfully, my publisher has a very different take on the world.
I am a self-publishing author - through The Carter Seagrove Project LLC, which is an indie author co-op based in Indiana, USA.
We couldn’t give a shit about reviews and ratings.
Transcript of various comments NOT overheard in our office:-
Write more stories like that, Alp; did you see the reviews? Wow man; that was dope!
Alp; sweetheart ... must do better; your fans deserve more than that.
Think of the Nobel Prize ...
We are not selling enough units and have no money for food or designer clothing.
Call yourself an artist!
Our marketing strategy is relying on your success but we could not justify the investment in the advertising for that title because the cover does not have a buff shirtless dude on it - who freaking puts an acorn on an m/m romance cover?!
You've got a bestseller; we want your babies; and we believe in you but only if you have 5 stars.
Where's your next manuscript you pathetic tosser?
Get out of my fucking office!! An advance of 5k? How about a dose of oral thrush?
Morgan is doing better than you; best you watch your back cos the knives are out.
One more five star review and we’ll pay for the surgery.
Why are you reading those douche kit instructions?
We’ve been hit by a review assassin! Everyone use their personal account and post a 5 star review!!
Alp; you split the vote so why is that you can’t you split a bagel?
Reviews don’t matter when you’ve made it ... you haven’t made it ... stop crying and go back to the hamster wheel and write another bestseller and then, and only then, will we up your royalties to 0.05% - fucking authors are a pain in the arse.
Fortunately, being an indie publishing co-op, we don’t have to worry about any of that ... except for winning the Nobel Prize because Shannon wants a Bugatti Chiron.
Top 10 Golden Rules for Authors
Since I stopped paying attention to reviews and ratings, I have become a much happier and a more balanced individual - I’ve devoted the time saved to studying my craft and making friendship bracelets, which I will send to all the reviewers of my stories (I’m stockpiling in advance of the avalanche).
I would be really happy to get your thoughts; please comment below.
My next post is about Marketing - most self-publishing authors tell me that they hate [and are pants at] marketing; so that suggests a self-help topic of some merit.
Love to you all
Alp
I'm a reader, an author of #LGBT fiction and a publisher of #LGBT fiction (a founding member of The Carter Seagrove Project indie author publishing co-op); and in each case, I have a different relationship with Reviews and Ratings, and that relationship is not always a happy one.
The Reader
I'm a reader [rapacious] and I do look at reviews and ratings when I select a book to read - but they are by no means the only factors that I take into account. And if I a) have time b) remember and c) can be arsed, I will leave a rating and/or a review on either Goodreads and/or Amazon. This is definitely my easiest relationship with reviews and ratings. I know a lot of people rely on those scores - readers looking for a good book to read, and authors who believe they need the scores to elevate their profile and get some sales. Publishers also need reviews and ratings, but who gives a fuck about them?
If I write a review, I try to be honest, insightful and balanced - I don’t paraphrase the story like I see a lot of people do [to prove they read it?]; my comments can be oblique - depends on the story, the author and how I feel - the review could be one word, for example, evocative, or run to a few lines, maybe even a paragraph or two.
What’s it all about?
That probably boils down to what you think a review and a rating actually are ... more on that but let's bust a myth (myth not a nut) or two first:-
- Most readers leave reviews and ratings (if only)
- All reviews and ratings are honest, insightful and balanced
- No review was ever bought and paid for - They is all genuine, Guv’nor, swear to you they be! (this only works if spoken in a true Cockney accent.)
- A one star rating will guarantee no more sales (there had to be at least one!)
- A five star rating will make the book a sure fire winner (I so fucking wish they did!)
- Only a review by a literary critic, published in a broadsheet newspaper or a glossy magazine is worth the ink
What is a rating?
My overall interpretation of a 'rating' is basically - How much did I enjoy that story? What you call enjoyment and what I call enjoyment (don't go there) are probably two very different things, so what do I look for in a story?
- excitement and entertainment
- eroticism, poetry and lyricism
- something emotive and/or evocative
- experimentation, metaphysicality, solipsism
- mystery/intrigue/suspense/drama/tension
- romance/love/an erection/a mess worth getting out of bed to find a tissue for
I want to be enthralled, thrilled, captivated and transported.
The author has their fucking work cut out to freaking please me!
Fundamentally, I assign a rating in accordance with how much I enjoyed the read - usually on a scale of:-
1- Why did I fucking bother clicking; I've read more interesting douche kit instructions
2- You lead me up the garden path and then slam the door in my face (we will never see each other again; it's you, not me)
3- Generally, I will need to change my underwear
4- If I knew where you lived, I'd be camping outside (I don't want your autograph, I just want to rifle through your trash)
5- Will you marry me?
And I'm sure we all have similar grades, and maybe we even attempt to apply them consistently. The point is, the rating system is subjective and open to wide interpretation. Most people assume that the rating system on Goodreads and on Amazon are the same - they are not the same. It doesn’t matter; what you call good, I will wipe arse on, and vice versa - so what’s the point? And are you someone who has felt uncomfortable leaving a poor rating and/or review when the herd appears to be gagging for the story? I have.
What is a review?
I generally write a review - some wonderfully composed words of insightfulness - when I feel the urge to express myself. I rarely leave a review for a 3 star rated story, almost always for 4 and 5 star rated stories - I have a backlog of reviews to write - sue me!
I generally find that reviews which start ‘I liked the story because’ work better for me than a thesis on how the story referenced some obscure Albanian folklore [which I won’t have read].
Do I read reviews on the books I plan to purchase? Yes - sometimes the reviews are better than the story. Seriously; I do read them but I think you have to add a huge pinch of salt. At the end of the day, there is no guarantee that a book will 'do it' for you regardless of the ratings and reviews. If the cover features a shirtless buff dude (preferably more than one shirtless buff dude) who gives a fuck about ratings anyway - I can always wank over the pictures.
The Author
I write because I don't have a choice if I wish to remain sane - I do not write for reviews, ratings, accolades or money, though those things come with the territory of publishing (except accolades and money).
I can honestly say that I write each and every story for myself - it's my story. If I tried to write a story to please anyone else, I would fail, I would go mad and I would stop writing (it’s quite difficult to type while trussed up in a straight-jacket ... though not impossible).
I wrote a story for The Goodreads M/M Romance Group anthology of 2015 - I had a wonderful prompt and wrote a 15k word story that I was hugely proud of (like I am of all my babies/demons/angels). The reviews and ratings could not have been more damning on the one hand, or glorious on the other - and that told me that reviews and ratings are, for me, toxic and liable to do me harm. I wrote that story, it was edited by my editor and checked by the Goodreads team, who were wonderful, and who then published it - at that point, my involvement with the story should probably have ended. I made the mistake of reading some of the poor reviews (of which there are many) - and I made the mistake of reading some of the good reviews (of which there are few but still some in number).
- If I believed the poor reviews, I should go back to being a male model (the dad bod is so in)
- If I believed the good reviews, I should expect to receive the Pulitzer Prize in the very near future (at the very least!)
The reviews told me nothing that I could actually assimilate - because the reviews are not for the author to read - STAY AWAY FROM REVIEWS!
I cannot write to a formula, prescription or trope to get my 3 star alms - just can't - won't!
I cannot repeat any apparent success because I do not know how that works - please pass on any tips you've got.
All I can do is stand (it's more of a slouch actually) by my story (if you think you can do better - and some people tell me they can - then fucking do it! And I’ll happily review it ...)
What do I do now? I ignore all bad reviews and ratings - I have a urinary tract infection and haemorrhoids (I spelled that right on the first attempt); do I need any more burning pain? I don't think so. I read all of the good reviews because even I need some external energy to keep doing this day after day - I appreciate the good reviews, of course I do - but I never let them guide me in what I write.
Authors should stay the fuck away from reviews like the plague.
If you are seeking some/any kind of stroke, acceptance, encouragement, praise, reward or confirmation as an author - please don’t look in the reviews and ratings - you may as well look in the dog’s mouth or the cat’s fanny. Write the story, get it edited, be happy with the story, publish the story and fucking forget about the story (you should be writing the next one anyway so plant your fat arse on the chair in front of the computer and type!)
The Publisher
A publishing house is a business - I’m part of one and it is a business, one that will - maybe - one day make some money and pay back our investment - don’t hold your fucking breath. Therefore, like all businesses selling a product, reviews and ratings are very important from a marketing point of view. One aspect of that which I think begins to distort the picture is the requirement of a lot of book promoters that the book needs to have so many five star ratings/reviews before they will consider promoting the book [for their extortionate fee].
We chase the dragon and wonder why we get burned to a crisp.
Thankfully, my publisher has a very different take on the world.
I am a self-publishing author - through The Carter Seagrove Project LLC, which is an indie author co-op based in Indiana, USA.
We couldn’t give a shit about reviews and ratings.
Transcript of various comments NOT overheard in our office:-
Write more stories like that, Alp; did you see the reviews? Wow man; that was dope!
Alp; sweetheart ... must do better; your fans deserve more than that.
Think of the Nobel Prize ...
We are not selling enough units and have no money for food or designer clothing.
Call yourself an artist!
Our marketing strategy is relying on your success but we could not justify the investment in the advertising for that title because the cover does not have a buff shirtless dude on it - who freaking puts an acorn on an m/m romance cover?!
You've got a bestseller; we want your babies; and we believe in you but only if you have 5 stars.
Where's your next manuscript you pathetic tosser?
Get out of my fucking office!! An advance of 5k? How about a dose of oral thrush?
Morgan is doing better than you; best you watch your back cos the knives are out.
One more five star review and we’ll pay for the surgery.
Why are you reading those douche kit instructions?
We’ve been hit by a review assassin! Everyone use their personal account and post a 5 star review!!
Alp; you split the vote so why is that you can’t you split a bagel?
Reviews don’t matter when you’ve made it ... you haven’t made it ... stop crying and go back to the hamster wheel and write another bestseller and then, and only then, will we up your royalties to 0.05% - fucking authors are a pain in the arse.
Fortunately, being an indie publishing co-op, we don’t have to worry about any of that ... except for winning the Nobel Prize because Shannon wants a Bugatti Chiron.
Top 10 Golden Rules for Authors
- Ignore all reviews and ratings
- Ignore all reviews and ratings
- Ignore all reviews and ratings
- Ignore all reviews and ratings
- Ignore all reviews and ratings
- Ignore all reviews and ratings
- Ignore all reviews and ratings
- Ignore all reviews and ratings
- Ignore all reviews and ratings
- Ignore all reviews and ratings
- Ignore all reviews and ratings
- Ignore all reviews and ratings
- Ignore all reviews and ratings
- Write your best story, publish it, then write another one, and repeat until you are dead.
Since I stopped paying attention to reviews and ratings, I have become a much happier and a more balanced individual - I’ve devoted the time saved to studying my craft and making friendship bracelets, which I will send to all the reviewers of my stories (I’m stockpiling in advance of the avalanche).
I would be really happy to get your thoughts; please comment below.
My next post is about Marketing - most self-publishing authors tell me that they hate [and are pants at] marketing; so that suggests a self-help topic of some merit.
Love to you all
Alp
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