What happens when you fall for someone you can’t have? What do you do when you can’t stop yourself even though you really, really dislike everything about a him? No matter what Saint does, he can’t leave Finn alone and Finn hates himself after every explosive encounter with Saint. Once again, I created a character that was really hard to like but in the end, it’s all worth it.
Seeing a trap and having good intentions doesn’t guarantee success.
Saint was willing to accept that he was a coward. For the third time in a week, he was biting his fingernails as he discreetly stared at the diner through the convenience store’s window. Finn was in there and Saint was waiting for him to finish his dinner and leave. It was better than the time he ran out the back of the diner just before Finn walked in or the time Saint walked in and pretended he got an urgent call on his phone and rushed out when he spotted Finn eating.
He was a coward and he might be in serious trouble. Saint spent years ignoring his sexual desires. That whole part of his personality had gone dormant. He got to the point where he didn’t even notice if a man was attractive and he got really good at pretending to notice women. But there was something about Finn that caught Saint’s eye in the diner and piqued his curiosity. He told himself that he was gathering information, that putting himself in Finn’s path, in a way that would get his guard down, was just part of Saint’s job. In reality, Saint wanted to be alone with Finn, even if it was for a few minutes so he’d know what his voice sounded like and if he was as intelligent as he looked.
Finn did not disappoint. He was intelligent and his voice was a warm baritone that made Saint’s cock twitch. On top of that, he was kind and easy-going. There was a little bit of hurt and some hints of sarcasm but they didn’t get in the way of Finn’s innate desire to help and please people.
Initially, Saint had been seduced by the books. His hands reached for them before he knew what he was doing. There were so many that he wanted to read, if he had the opportunity, he wouldn’t have thought twice about taking one. Which would have been a problem because he would have had a hell of a time reading it without getting caught. Of all the things Saint had gone without, books had been the hardest to give up and he missed them constantly.
But when Finn let slip that he’d been dumped by a man, it was as if a switch had been flipped. Need and heat exploded within Saint and parts of his body that he forgot even existed screamed for attention and relief. Saint might have fallen over if he hadn’t been standing close enough to the mantle to casually lean and wait for the feeling to return to his legs. Then, he was in Finn’s kitchen, breathing him in and trying not to drool. Without meaning to, Saint found himself flirting and thinking about things he shouldn’t have. He used the time in the garage to pace and sternly remind himself that he had to keep it together. Under no circumstances could he fuck up and let Finn know that he wanted him.
Jesus Christ, he wanted Finn. If it was bad before Saint went to the garage, it was pure torture when Finn came downstairs in sweatpants and a t-shirt. It could have only been worse if Finn had been naked. The t-shirt clung to Finn’s shoulders and pecs and depending on how Finn moved, Saint caught a glimpse of washboard abs and a thin trail of hair disappearing beneath the waist of Finn’s pants. And when Finn turned around, that thick grey cotton hugged the firm, round cheeks of Finn’s ass. And he had nice thighs. Saint could tell by the way the fabric stretched around them when he sat. They weren’t thin and not too thick and there was enough definition to show through the heavy material. At first, the beer had taken the edge off. By the end of the second bottle, the music and the fact that Finn was lounging and reading just feet away, had Saint grinding his teeth and picturing Gladys naked. Even Gladys hadn’t been enough to kill Saint’s hard-on. His body shook as he quickly straightened up his mess and fled Finn’s house.
Life doesn’t always play fair and the heart wants what it wants.
This is bullshit, Finn decided as he flung the fridge door wide. He held on as he swayed and waited for the bottles on the shelves to stop floating. He grabbed the first one that stopped and slammed the door shut. He fell back against the fridge and twisted the top off the bottle then tossed the cap in the sink. Finn raised the bottle to his lips and drank as he slid to the floor. He burped loudly and held the bottle in front of his face. Is this number twelve or fifteen? He wondered as he squinted. Does it matter? You still hate yourself and your dick keeps twitching every time you think about him. Finn swore and took another long drink.
He was Genghis Khan in a past life, Finn decided. It was the only thing that made sense. He’d been a good kid, growing up. His mother swore he was the perfect child and he always got good grades. He never cheated or stole anything. Finn made it through high school without trying drugs or alcohol. He partied a little in college but still managed to graduate with a 4.0. He’d busted his ass and had the career of his dreams before he was thirty without fucking anyone over. Finn did a lot of volunteer work and honestly believed he’d made a positive difference in more than a few people’s lives.
But for some reason, life was absolutely shitting on Finn. Things hadn’t been perfect with Taylor but there was no explanation for how brutally he’d blindsided Finn. And what did Finn have to show for three years as a really thoughtful and devoted boyfriend? Fucking gonorrhea. The only bright side Finn could see was that he hadn’t been aware that he had it and it only took a round of antibiotics for him to get a clean bill of health from his doctor.
And just when Finn was getting to where he could make it through the day without breaking down and sobbing in his car or the shower, Saint’s bike had to break down practically on Finn’s doorstep. And of course Finn couldn’t just drive by and leave Saint to fix it on his own. No, Finn had to invite Saint in and give him beer.
Therefore, Finn deserved to be fucked with the cosmic equivalent of a burning cactus. Finn didn’t even get a chance to get back on his feet and dust himself off after Taylor before fate kicked him in the stomach with a fucked up outlaw biker that saw Finn as nothing more than a sleazy secret booty call. Not that Finn didn’t get why their hook-ups had to be a secret. He wasn’t thrilled at the prospect of getting beaten senseless or killed by Saint’s “brothers”.
Really, he was all set. He didn’t need anyone to convince him that staying away from Saint was a solid plan.
Sometimes, you’ve just got to admit that you’ve been licked and make the best of it.
“What are you doing here?” Finn asked and Saint’s eyes drank Finn in despite the screen separating them. He inhaled slowly and lust unfurled and swelled within him as the smell of Finn’s body and breath flooded him.
“I don’t know,” he admitted and Finn crossed his arms over his chest and waited. Saint sighed and let his forehead rub against the screen as he tried to figure out what he was supposed to do. “I didn’t mean to come.” He tried to see Finn’s eyes but the light was behind him and the sun was just about gone.
“You didn’t bring any beer to thank me for last time?” Finn asked and Saint laughed softly and shook his head.
“I wouldn’t want you to think I thought you’d give it up for a six pack,” he teased and Finn snorted.
“Apparently, I would,” Finn said as he unlocked the screen door.
Finn turned and gestured over his shoulder for Saint to follow as he went back to the couch. Saint groaned softly as he pulled the door open, already regretting Finn’s decision to let him in. When Saint stepped into the house his brows pulled together as he looked around. Everything looked completely different. His eyes drifted around the room and he realized it was the walls. They were a soft leaf green and it made the room look larger and lighter. Everything else was just about the same but the wood seemed to glow and the beat up leather couch looked like something out of a Restoration Hardware catalog now that the faded blue and mauve wallpaper was gone.
“You’ve been busy,” Saint said as he leaned and craned his neck. The kitchen was a lighter shade of green and the upstairs hall was Tiffany blue. “I like it,” he stated and Finn dropped onto the couch and crossed his arms over his chest again.
“I’m relieved,” he murmured as he watched Saint. Saint gave Finn a pointed look as he crossed the room. Saint pushed a stack of books out of the way before he sat on the coffee table facing Finn. He sighed again as he rested his elbows on his knees and let his head fall.
“I can’t get involved with you,” Saint groaned and he heard a soft laugh escape Finn.
“I’m glad we agree,” he said and Saint nodded.
“You have no idea how dangerous this is for both of us,” he explained and Finn laughed again.
“I’m pretty sure I can guess. It’s not much of a secret, is it? White supremacists aren’t big fans of the homosexuals,” Finn said and Saint didn’t want to look at him. “Have you beat the shit out of any fags lately?” He asked and Saint’s head snapped up and he shook his head.
“No,” he said firmly. “Don’t ask me what I’ve done,” Saint warned. “I have nothing to offer you. I’m not good enough and I won’t do the right thing,” he promised and Finn’s eyes widened. “Imagine any fucked up thing you want and go with it. Whatever you do, don’t try to find something good in me or hope I’m going to change or redeem myself. I won’t lie to you if you don’t make me,” Saint said and Finn sat back and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Why are you here, Saint?” Finn complained and Saint’s eyes swept down Finn’s chest. His t-shirt was faded and tight. Saint wasn’t sure if it was something Finn had owned since high school or if it was just designed to look like it, but it stretched across Finn’s chest and abs and Saint wanted to rip it off of him more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life. When Saint’s eyes settled into the crotch of Finn’s grey sweatpants, he knew he was done fighting it.
“I wake up at night and I swear I can taste you, Finn,” Saint whispered and Finn’s hand dropped and his head tilted forward. His eyes were deep and dark when they met Saint’s, he wanted to fall into them. “Sometimes, I catch a whiff of you in the diner and I get so hard my dick hurts. Every time I shut my eyes, I see you naked and shaking while I fucked you against that wall.” His voice was low and gravelly as every cell in his body screamed for relief, raged to feel Finn’s body touching his. “Nothing’s ever felt that good and I haven’t stopped thinking about you and wanting you. I feel like I’m going to lose my mind if I don’t kiss you. I need to touch you,” he begged and Finn gasped as he slid forward and reached for Saint.
“Fuck, it was so good,” Finn groaned as his lips collided with Saint’s.
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Seeing a trap and having good intentions doesn’t guarantee success.
Saint was willing to accept that he was a coward. For the third time in a week, he was biting his fingernails as he discreetly stared at the diner through the convenience store’s window. Finn was in there and Saint was waiting for him to finish his dinner and leave. It was better than the time he ran out the back of the diner just before Finn walked in or the time Saint walked in and pretended he got an urgent call on his phone and rushed out when he spotted Finn eating.
He was a coward and he might be in serious trouble. Saint spent years ignoring his sexual desires. That whole part of his personality had gone dormant. He got to the point where he didn’t even notice if a man was attractive and he got really good at pretending to notice women. But there was something about Finn that caught Saint’s eye in the diner and piqued his curiosity. He told himself that he was gathering information, that putting himself in Finn’s path, in a way that would get his guard down, was just part of Saint’s job. In reality, Saint wanted to be alone with Finn, even if it was for a few minutes so he’d know what his voice sounded like and if he was as intelligent as he looked.
Finn did not disappoint. He was intelligent and his voice was a warm baritone that made Saint’s cock twitch. On top of that, he was kind and easy-going. There was a little bit of hurt and some hints of sarcasm but they didn’t get in the way of Finn’s innate desire to help and please people.
Initially, Saint had been seduced by the books. His hands reached for them before he knew what he was doing. There were so many that he wanted to read, if he had the opportunity, he wouldn’t have thought twice about taking one. Which would have been a problem because he would have had a hell of a time reading it without getting caught. Of all the things Saint had gone without, books had been the hardest to give up and he missed them constantly.
But when Finn let slip that he’d been dumped by a man, it was as if a switch had been flipped. Need and heat exploded within Saint and parts of his body that he forgot even existed screamed for attention and relief. Saint might have fallen over if he hadn’t been standing close enough to the mantle to casually lean and wait for the feeling to return to his legs. Then, he was in Finn’s kitchen, breathing him in and trying not to drool. Without meaning to, Saint found himself flirting and thinking about things he shouldn’t have. He used the time in the garage to pace and sternly remind himself that he had to keep it together. Under no circumstances could he fuck up and let Finn know that he wanted him.
Jesus Christ, he wanted Finn. If it was bad before Saint went to the garage, it was pure torture when Finn came downstairs in sweatpants and a t-shirt. It could have only been worse if Finn had been naked. The t-shirt clung to Finn’s shoulders and pecs and depending on how Finn moved, Saint caught a glimpse of washboard abs and a thin trail of hair disappearing beneath the waist of Finn’s pants. And when Finn turned around, that thick grey cotton hugged the firm, round cheeks of Finn’s ass. And he had nice thighs. Saint could tell by the way the fabric stretched around them when he sat. They weren’t thin and not too thick and there was enough definition to show through the heavy material. At first, the beer had taken the edge off. By the end of the second bottle, the music and the fact that Finn was lounging and reading just feet away, had Saint grinding his teeth and picturing Gladys naked. Even Gladys hadn’t been enough to kill Saint’s hard-on. His body shook as he quickly straightened up his mess and fled Finn’s house.
Life doesn’t always play fair and the heart wants what it wants.
This is bullshit, Finn decided as he flung the fridge door wide. He held on as he swayed and waited for the bottles on the shelves to stop floating. He grabbed the first one that stopped and slammed the door shut. He fell back against the fridge and twisted the top off the bottle then tossed the cap in the sink. Finn raised the bottle to his lips and drank as he slid to the floor. He burped loudly and held the bottle in front of his face. Is this number twelve or fifteen? He wondered as he squinted. Does it matter? You still hate yourself and your dick keeps twitching every time you think about him. Finn swore and took another long drink.
He was Genghis Khan in a past life, Finn decided. It was the only thing that made sense. He’d been a good kid, growing up. His mother swore he was the perfect child and he always got good grades. He never cheated or stole anything. Finn made it through high school without trying drugs or alcohol. He partied a little in college but still managed to graduate with a 4.0. He’d busted his ass and had the career of his dreams before he was thirty without fucking anyone over. Finn did a lot of volunteer work and honestly believed he’d made a positive difference in more than a few people’s lives.
But for some reason, life was absolutely shitting on Finn. Things hadn’t been perfect with Taylor but there was no explanation for how brutally he’d blindsided Finn. And what did Finn have to show for three years as a really thoughtful and devoted boyfriend? Fucking gonorrhea. The only bright side Finn could see was that he hadn’t been aware that he had it and it only took a round of antibiotics for him to get a clean bill of health from his doctor.
And just when Finn was getting to where he could make it through the day without breaking down and sobbing in his car or the shower, Saint’s bike had to break down practically on Finn’s doorstep. And of course Finn couldn’t just drive by and leave Saint to fix it on his own. No, Finn had to invite Saint in and give him beer.
Therefore, Finn deserved to be fucked with the cosmic equivalent of a burning cactus. Finn didn’t even get a chance to get back on his feet and dust himself off after Taylor before fate kicked him in the stomach with a fucked up outlaw biker that saw Finn as nothing more than a sleazy secret booty call. Not that Finn didn’t get why their hook-ups had to be a secret. He wasn’t thrilled at the prospect of getting beaten senseless or killed by Saint’s “brothers”.
Really, he was all set. He didn’t need anyone to convince him that staying away from Saint was a solid plan.
Sometimes, you’ve just got to admit that you’ve been licked and make the best of it.
“What are you doing here?” Finn asked and Saint’s eyes drank Finn in despite the screen separating them. He inhaled slowly and lust unfurled and swelled within him as the smell of Finn’s body and breath flooded him.
“I don’t know,” he admitted and Finn crossed his arms over his chest and waited. Saint sighed and let his forehead rub against the screen as he tried to figure out what he was supposed to do. “I didn’t mean to come.” He tried to see Finn’s eyes but the light was behind him and the sun was just about gone.
“You didn’t bring any beer to thank me for last time?” Finn asked and Saint laughed softly and shook his head.
“I wouldn’t want you to think I thought you’d give it up for a six pack,” he teased and Finn snorted.
“Apparently, I would,” Finn said as he unlocked the screen door.
Finn turned and gestured over his shoulder for Saint to follow as he went back to the couch. Saint groaned softly as he pulled the door open, already regretting Finn’s decision to let him in. When Saint stepped into the house his brows pulled together as he looked around. Everything looked completely different. His eyes drifted around the room and he realized it was the walls. They were a soft leaf green and it made the room look larger and lighter. Everything else was just about the same but the wood seemed to glow and the beat up leather couch looked like something out of a Restoration Hardware catalog now that the faded blue and mauve wallpaper was gone.
“You’ve been busy,” Saint said as he leaned and craned his neck. The kitchen was a lighter shade of green and the upstairs hall was Tiffany blue. “I like it,” he stated and Finn dropped onto the couch and crossed his arms over his chest again.
“I’m relieved,” he murmured as he watched Saint. Saint gave Finn a pointed look as he crossed the room. Saint pushed a stack of books out of the way before he sat on the coffee table facing Finn. He sighed again as he rested his elbows on his knees and let his head fall.
“I can’t get involved with you,” Saint groaned and he heard a soft laugh escape Finn.
“I’m glad we agree,” he said and Saint nodded.
“You have no idea how dangerous this is for both of us,” he explained and Finn laughed again.
“I’m pretty sure I can guess. It’s not much of a secret, is it? White supremacists aren’t big fans of the homosexuals,” Finn said and Saint didn’t want to look at him. “Have you beat the shit out of any fags lately?” He asked and Saint’s head snapped up and he shook his head.
“No,” he said firmly. “Don’t ask me what I’ve done,” Saint warned. “I have nothing to offer you. I’m not good enough and I won’t do the right thing,” he promised and Finn’s eyes widened. “Imagine any fucked up thing you want and go with it. Whatever you do, don’t try to find something good in me or hope I’m going to change or redeem myself. I won’t lie to you if you don’t make me,” Saint said and Finn sat back and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Why are you here, Saint?” Finn complained and Saint’s eyes swept down Finn’s chest. His t-shirt was faded and tight. Saint wasn’t sure if it was something Finn had owned since high school or if it was just designed to look like it, but it stretched across Finn’s chest and abs and Saint wanted to rip it off of him more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life. When Saint’s eyes settled into the crotch of Finn’s grey sweatpants, he knew he was done fighting it.
“I wake up at night and I swear I can taste you, Finn,” Saint whispered and Finn’s hand dropped and his head tilted forward. His eyes were deep and dark when they met Saint’s, he wanted to fall into them. “Sometimes, I catch a whiff of you in the diner and I get so hard my dick hurts. Every time I shut my eyes, I see you naked and shaking while I fucked you against that wall.” His voice was low and gravelly as every cell in his body screamed for relief, raged to feel Finn’s body touching his. “Nothing’s ever felt that good and I haven’t stopped thinking about you and wanting you. I feel like I’m going to lose my mind if I don’t kiss you. I need to touch you,” he begged and Finn gasped as he slid forward and reached for Saint.
“Fuck, it was so good,” Finn groaned as his lips collided with Saint’s.
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